So, Jason and I spent a lot of time together last week. 40 hours plus a happy hour, to be exact. Anyway, to amuse ourselves we decided that we were going to take a dream cruise...a fantasy cruise, if you will. We decided the destinatiuon had to be tropical, so we chose a 14 day Hawaii/Tahiti cruise. So far, here are the details:
* Jason will have worked out at the gym and will have big, bulging muscles.
* I will not have cellulite, a 2- c-section tummy, or back fat.
* We will both be tan, of course.
Here's the other thing. Our guest list is very elite. Only the most fun, hysterically funny people will be alowed on our dream cruise.
So, what do you have to bring to the cruise? Should we let you on board? What qualifies you for the dream cruise? Our guest list is forming now.
6 comments:
What do I have to bring to the cruise? Does that even require an answer from me? Seriously.
But to humor you...
1. I am the friend that always makes her friends look hotter and thinner by just standing next to them.
2. Hilarious and crazy without the alcohol=designated driver or designated make sure nobody falls off the ship-er.
3. I am sort of a dare whore.
4. I can people watch (and talk, of course, the most important part) like it is going out of style.
5. I already did the "go on a cruise, come back with braids" thing...so I am so over that phase.
6. I love seeing new things, but I am not that annoying factoid blabber mouth who yaks and yaks about everything and nothing.
7. I don't sunbathe nude.
8. In the unlikely event of an emergency, the thick stuffing in my bra can also be used as a flotation device.
9. I don't have any Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
10. I don't have any Non-Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
11. JLo and KJo...I smell destiny!
Sorry...does 11 sounds like I'm compensating...cause I'm not...honey I got the goods to back all that up and more.
I can email or fax further details and a resumé with the appropriate contact information.
Oh...sorry...my original purpose was to tell you that concavage can go either way. It can be bad or it can be good, if intentional.
Like remember the infamous JLo Grammy dress...that was intentional concavage...she separated the girls for effect.
I have concavage because the girls aren't big enough to actually touch each other to create actual cleavage, thus not intentional, ergo Kira's concavage is, well I like to say unfortunate...but curable.
*sympathetic music*
for less than the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can give this girl a new life, a new body, and a new sense of self. All donations to GPCR (Give Pancake Chest a Rack) are tax deductible, heartwarming, and life-affirming because you know, you are giving Kira something she couldn't give herself: a B-cup
Seriously Kira, You are #1 on our list. You certainly needed not apply, but I am glad you did because, girl, you are funny!!!!
JLo and KJo...let the fun begin.
When are you visiting???
Ummm anything Kira said I can do better, faster, and bigger. I am a shoe in for sure right? and yes i will sunbathe nude, I will water ski behind the boat, And I will drink anybody under the table. So you can for sure count on laughing at me, watching me think i am funny, and telling me to be quiet and that I really am not wispering about the fat girl in the small dress at the other table. Plus I am a avid cruiser and we can use some of my points for those extra cheesy "gifts" they leave for you next to you towel monkey at night. And you can have my pillow mint, just cause I am nice.
I think you saved me a spot? am I wrong?
Ohhhhhhhhhhh boy, is this gonna be fun!
geez, I shouldn't even try after Kira's answer. I think I should be allowed on the cruise because:
1. I have a lot of stories about poop.
2. I always seem to have the most embarrassing experiences on vacations. That's entertaining for anyone!
3. I am easily impressed. So, I will always ooh and aahh over your clothes, hair, and laugh at your jokes.
4. I've never "come back with braids thing" before, so I'll be up for that.
5. My flotation devices are bigger than Kira's.
6. I'm Jason's sister and he has to take me with him! He doesn't have a choice!
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