Well, Jason basically told me that my blog was boring and that all I talk about is my family. He's yearning for more. More story telling, more drama. Sorry folks, that's what my blog is. It is my virtual scrapbook. I don't have the time to scrapbook our lives any more and that is how I use my blog.
That being said, I'll tell Jason a story today so maybe, just maybe(fingers and toes crossed) he'll continue to read my blog. When you only have 3 readers, it hurts when one drops off. Especially when they are your BFF.
A few weeks ago, my friend Lisa invited a bunch of girls from work over for a spray tan party. How very Housewives of Orange County, right? Well, anyone who knows me knows that I am butt white. I don't tan. I just get more freckles. Having a recent unfortunate experience with a Mystic Tan, I was all about being airbrushed professionally.
So, we get to Lisa's house and start discussing how we are going to get tanned. Are we going to wear a bathing suit? Just underwear? Birthday suit? I was so nervous. Just as we are all figuring it out, in walks the spray tan lady. Did I say lady? I meant tattooed, blonde, sassy 20-something girl. Perfect. So, one by one, each girl goes and gets tanned. Molly's 90 pound 18 year old daughter, Danielle with her perfect boobs, Teeny-tiny Sarah with her no boobs. Then it was Lily's turn. Lily is a hoot. She's a mom of two boys and my next door neighbor at school. She comes back in from her tan and says, "I had to leave my underwear on because I'm on my period. I was a little embarrassed when she asked me to spread my legs because my pad was hanging out, but I figured...just spray that too!" This actually made me feel better. At least I didn't have a pad hanging out.
Finally, it was my turn. Ugh. I got naked, but left on my underwear. It was bad enough to expose my boobs to a complete stranger, I just couldn't make that poor girl have to see my ass too. So, we started off and I heard myself saying something about "real-women's boobs" at the same time thinking...why are you pointing out the obvious, jack ass? So, she asks me to lift up my boobs.
Yep.
Lift up my boobs.
And I proceed to get a spray tan. It wasn't as mortifying as I anticipated, but it is still a lesson in humility when a stranger is turning you every which way so she can air brush every nook and cranny on your body. I mean every nook and cranny.
The result, however, is fabulous! I freakin' loved my tan and just did it again yesterday in preparation for my Maui trip. I'm like a Greek Goddess. Except for the real women boobs.
10 comments:
My computer thanks you for the coffee shower it just received!!!! I hope Jason LOVES this story about periods, pads and boobies!!!
Now that's more like it!!!
I knew nothing about Lily's experience. That is priceless!
And of course, the whole "lift your boobs" thing is beyond hysterical. I wish I could have been there for all of this.
But where is the photo of you with your fabulous tan? Because I really need to see it to believe it.
....AND....if you just throw me a bone like this every two or three posts, I will be so happy. Even though you called me a baby.
Funny! I only know one person who might not have had to "lift"...I think real women boobs rock as I have a pair myself!!
OH MY GOSH! I can't even imagine that.... I mean, I desperately need a tan, but I think I would have to lift SO many parts of me. I am ultra disgusting right now.
I am sure you look gorgeous!
That is very Real Housewifey. Are you sure that you are not really a Real Housewife and you just trick us and pretend to be a regular Mom and teacher??????????????? Hmmmmm?
You can't trick me JLo!
I agree about our blogs. Mine is boring too. What else do I do besides take my kid to the park? Exactly.... How can I be clever and witty when we don't really do anything. I suppose I could take one of my screaming episodes that happen about once a day since Naji is here. Then everyone could know what a horrible mother I really am.
Hawaii. Get out of the city. That will bring lots of exciting posts I am sure. Super excited for you!
1) My blog is super lame...you post, so Jason has no room to complain.
2) Fantastic story. I have never been spray tanning because I wanted to avoid such experiences, including the dumb thing I would undoubtedly say about my pancake chest and bodacious thighs.
3) Maui...one of my fave places on the planet! So jealous!
Look! You already have 6 whole comments! Now next you have to tell part two aka the waxing part.
Love the boob lifting. I will never, ever look at Lily the same again. :)
We want pictures!
I hate it when I have to LIFT up my boobs...always ruins my day.
"lift up your boobs"...hahahahaha!!
A couple of years ago, when i was "home", i was going for one of those tans, but...couldn't get an appointment and, me being the patient person that I am (NOT) went to a spray tan booth. it was great, except I kept laughing remembering the Friends episode where Ross goes and the whole counting thing and yeah....i laughed a lot!!! the tan was great, though....and no...i didn't lift my boobs...i just left 'em down there where they usually are.
jason...if you're reading comments...**mwah**!
my blog is pretty boring, too...we should start a club!!!
*seriously...the word verification is "conasm"....i'm giggling thinking of funny stuff to go with that!!! ;-)
Post a Comment